First, it is crucial to determine if there is a relationship. So many times, I have seen scenarios when a woman or a man believes they are in a relationship. This woman or man is
A guy who cried “wolf” or why some foreign gentlemen “got scammed”
In this article I want to talk about gentlemen who love to cry “wolf” which means accusing ladies in being not serious, too materialistic and even scammers.
Such gentlemen can be divided into 2 groups:
- Guys who unfortunately really attract and choose women that are interested ONLY in entertainments and financial benefits.
In the majority of cases men bring such scenario upon themselves with their own dating strategy.
For example, a 55 years old gentleman claims he feels attracted only to ladies in their late 20s or early 30s. His goals can be quite noble: he wants to have kids and in his opinion this age group of ladies can truly meet his goal. We are not going to discuss the best age for a lady or for a gentleman to have kids.
Anyway, this 55 years old gentleman reaches my matchmaking service. I honestly tell him that we won’t have ladies in our base in their late 20s and early 30s who might be open to date a gentleman who is of the same age as their parents are. One gentleman has accused me on “preventing him of having kids”. Well, my job would be extremely easy if girls in their late 20s and early 30s showed real interest (any interest) in 55 years old men. The truth is – they are not interested.
When myself and psychologist from our team ask a 32 years old lady if she might consider dating a gentleman who is 55 years old, we usually hear the answer that her father has just turned 53 years old and she is not looking for a second daddy. We can spend hours describing all the virtues of this gentleman to the lady: how kind and smart he is, what a great care he takes about his health, how big is his house and how much he wants to have children. The answer is pretty much always the same: he is too old.
Sometimes ladies just openly answer that “look, Svetlana, I love sex and I can’t imagine having good sex with a man who is older than my mom”. If we keep suggesting such a lady other gentlemen from the age group “50 and older” she will stop answering when we call or kindly ask us never to call again.
Do I personally have something against the age gap? NO! We have successfully matched couples with a 10, 15 and even 20 years of an age gap. But the tricky thing is the current age of the lady and a gentleman. When a gentleman is 45 and he is really handsome, well-established and successful and his entire looks scream about the power of money, then of course such a gentleman really can attract 25 years old girls but still not all 25 years old girls might be open. But when we are talking about a 32 years old girl who is beautiful, mature due to the life experience she had, she is done with experiments with style, professions, she is over the attraction to “bad boys”, she has embraced her sexuality and charm and knows what exactly she wants to do in her life and this plan includes getting married and having kids and this is actually a priority for her. She is beautiful, independent financially – doesn’t have to rely on her family as she used to when she was 22 years old, she gets attention of guys her age, guys 5-10 years older and even younger guys, but she is looking for someone truly specially, because starting a family is a priority for her. And now think about a 55 years old man who didn’t age as well as George Clooney did. His hair has already started to thin, his skin is a skin of a 55 years old man even if he had done some cosmetic surgeries and leads a super healthy life style, as one of my female clients said – “his ass and balls are 55 years old”. This lady by the way was 42 years old. Why would a 32 years old girl that was described above want to date a 55 years old man? What should be wrong with her?
You can tell that you know a guy who is 55 and his wife is 25 years old. How many couples like that do you actually know? All age gaps bigger than 15 years are not too common for Ukrainian ladies. So when the gentleman decides he wants to date 15 or 20 years younger he should understand that his pool of potential candidates would be REALLY limited. It would be tiny. If he meets the exceptional lady who shows genuine interest in him and is 20 years younger – he should put a ring on her finger and treat her like a sparse endangered species. Looking for the “same girl, but with blue eyes” is crazy. Chances to find another representative of “endangered species” are close to nonexistent.
And now imagine that this 55 years old gentleman sincerely believes ALL ladies in their late 20s or early 30s want to date him. Deep inside his mind he understands that this is not realistic, but all these Ukrainian or Russian girls with professionally modified perfect photos at a numerous pay-per letter dating sites brush his ego and feed his delusion by writing him that “age is just a number”, that he doesn’t look his age, that they want to have his babies, etc. He buys tickets to fly over to meet those gorgeous young girls. Deep inside his heart he worries if those beautiful young creatures will love him in person as much as online, if he shouldn’t have exaggerated that much his income and sexual advances. He decided to act based on their reaction.
He lands in Odessa full of happy dreams and romantic expectations. Out from his list of 20 gorgeous online crushes 15 are suddenly either sick or out of the town, so they unfortunately won’t be able to meet. He is furious, he contacts the pay-per latter dating site where he has met those deceiving creatures: they can’t help him, the girls claim they are really out of a town or sick, or helping a sick granny outside of the town, or having an urgent business trip.
Already feeling defeated he agrees to meet the rest of ladies. First two look nothing like their glamorous photos: the first has yellow teeth and the second is at least two sizes bigger than her profile photos. He pays for both dinners with both ladies and decides not to contact them ever again.
The girl number three is almost as beautiful in person, but after finishing her steak she is in a hurry to return to her office and promises to think about another date, which never happens because she never returns his calls.
The girl number 4 has agreed to meet just for coffee, because the gentleman “is done paying for free lunches and dinners of women”. They have coffee and she tells him straight into his face “she doesn’t feel chemistry”.
He never meets the girl number 5 because she has asked him to pay for a taxi, so that she can come to the date with him after work.
And now this gentleman has contacted my matchmaking service. For 20 minutes he is complaining that all Ukrainian women are scammers and probably me and my matchmaking service are also scammers. All he wants and needs is a pure love of a single hot never married 20 years younger Ukrainian lady, who is not materialistic and is not expecting him to pay for everything. He prefers it when a lady has big breast and blue or green eyes and her hair should be below shoulders. And please no tattoos.
I explain to this gentleman why I can’t deliver him what he claims he needs. And he continues searching on his own, filtering ladies at pay-per letter dating sites by their bra size and eyes color, enjoying this process tremendously and then he again “got scammed”: no show up, meeting him just to eat seafood or steak, disappearing after the first date, asking to buy her ear-rings after spending two hours with him on a date, giving him a non-existing phone number, coming on the date with a “brother and sister” to eat more steak.
The gentleman turns 58 years old and he keeps searching for a 28 years old model who will give him beautiful kids.
To be continued.